The View From Here

musings by John The Irishman

Breaking News : Chimenea Dies In Construction Accident

with 8 comments

The Chimenea, that constant patio companion to the Morans and their guests for many years, has died in a construction related accident.  During a late night building project to construct a pergola, a workman lost control of a support beam, which in turn directly impacted the fragile, yet still functional Chimenea.  By the time help arrived, there was nothing that could be done; in Lakewood, age 6.

 “I was first on the scene since I lost control of the support”, stated a worker, who refused to be named.  “It was horrible – quite like nothing I had ever seen.  I’m not sure I’ll ever get the image out of my head.  Everything was going smooth, and then WHAM – it was gone.  I may need counseling.”

The Chimenea was born in a factory in Mexico in 2001 to a family of oppressed, low-skilled laborers.  Purchased in 2002 to usher in the first Father’s Day celebration between two families in Lakewood, Ohio, the Chimenea served as a selfless companion to outdoor activities.  Heavily used for six seasons, the Chimenea began to show it’s age in 2007.  After one near fatal incident during Grammapalooza 2007 – in which an inebriated Pammycakes ordered her husband Snakeye to “KIck it !  Kick it over !  John wants you to destroy it !”, the end was near – but the Chimenea would survive to burn another day.

Services will be private.  The family asks that there be no flowers.  Donations in liquid form can be made the next time friends and family stop by.  A new Chimenea or variant thereof will be purchased soon.  Cheers, old buddy – you will be missed.


Written by johntheirishman

Saturday, 29 September, 2007 @ 7:09 at 7:09

8 Responses

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  1. Sucks! I at least wanted to be there! What the hell are you doing to your backyard anyway?!?! What’s up with workers and beams and stuff?


    Saturday, 29 September, 2007 @ 9:06 at 9:06

  2. Yeah, that last one was by me.


    Saturday, 29 September, 2007 @ 9:07 at 9:07

  3. I’m building a pergola / arbor / cover / roof / whatever over the patio. 8′ x 12′ x 8′ tall. Part of the roof will be lattice work so that the trumpet vines can grow over the top, the middle will be a sliding insert of lattice-work that can be moved back and forth to adjust for sun / shade, and can be easily removed and replaced with a solid section for shade and rain. This should allow us to extend our time on the patio in the Fall, and get an earlier start in the Spring – not to mention when it’s rainy !

    We will also be going to Home Depot & Lowes soon to see what the 2007 line of Chimneas look like !


    Saturday, 29 September, 2007 @ 9:30 at 9:30

  4. You going metal or keeping it clay?


    Saturday, 29 September, 2007 @ 23:14 at 23:14

  5. Being the end of the season our selection was limited, but I like the “rustic” feel the clay provides. It’s practically identical to what we had. The stack of the old Chimenea is standing up in the herb garden against the house, and I put pieces of the old one in the bottom of the new one. I also used some of the unburned wood from the old Chimenea to start the fire in the new one, and some scrap wood from the project. Kind of a “perpetuation” thing – parts of the old and new come together to carry on the tradition.

    Funny – if you read the do & don’ts, we pretty much do the opposite on all fronts. “No Chemicals. Do not extinguish with water. Flames should not shoot out of the top. Do not apply a sealer. La chimeneas debe secar antes de usarse…”


    Sunday, 30 September, 2007 @ 6:32 at 6:32

  6. Tsk, tsk. You shoulda just let Trav finish the poor ol’ boy off when he had the chance.

    BH (the real one)

    Sunday, 30 September, 2007 @ 15:26 at 15:26

  7. That’s what happens when you have low paid unskilled labor working for you…


    Monday, 1 October, 2007 @ 9:14 at 9:14

  8. Poor poor underpaid chimenea. It never anticipated the abuse and suffering it had inflicted upon its poor, weary terra cotta skin. It shuddered a last mighty sigh before it collapsed to say, “Nevermore, the cycle of abuse by people not my owner has ended.”


    Monday, 1 October, 2007 @ 17:37 at 17:37

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